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. It s called talking to people. Right.I ll talk to you later. Ijammed on the accelerator.After ten minutes the twopaved lanes ended and became agravel road too narrow for morethan one vehicle.The bends wereso close together, it was slowgoing.I will never understand theallure of a cabin in the woods.I pulled up behind an emptyred Altima parked fifty feet awayfrom a brown two-story cabin builtat the end of the road.As soon as Iopened my door, I heard thescreams.In front of the cabin, aman raised a shotgun and firednearly straight up in the air. What the hell are you doing?I said. Put that thing down. They re all dead! Nora svoice came from a tree near theguy with the gun.There were stepsbuilt around the trunk leading up toa good-sized tree house. There s a crazy woman upthere, the guy said. I m just tryingto scare her off. Scare her to death, youidiot. It occurred to me he was theone with the gun.Calling him anidiot was probably not a good idea. Look, I know her.I ll bring herdown. And who the hell are you?He lowered the rifle.He d made hispoint.He kept an eye on me as Iwent up the tree house steps, buthe didn t say anything more.Nora was on the floor crying,her whole body shaking, and herfists in tight balls.I picked her upand pulled her onto my lap androcked her there on the floor. It sgoing to be all right, I said. Everything is going to be all right.I kissed her forehead andbrushed her hair out of her eyesand rocked until the shakingstopped and she was able to getdown to the ground.I put her in theRange Rover buckled her in.Shestared straight ahead.I had no ideaif she knew I was there.I got her purse out of her carand gave it to her.Nothing elselooked worth keeping. I ll have someone come forthe car, I told the guy, though Iwasn t confident it would still bethere.I turned off the music in theRange Rover.Noise was last thingshe d want now.-oOo-I know J.D.would havelistened, but I wasn t ready to talkabout it.I was grateful he didn tpush me.When we got home, thehouse was empty. Stacey and Lisaare at work, I said.He came inside with me andlooked in the refrigerator forsomething to drink. Beer? he said. Or there s a bottle of pinot grigio. The pinot. I sat at a counterstool while he opened the wine.After half a glass, the wordsstarted. Something happened, Isaid. Back then.Something I nevertold anyone, not even the therapist.I guess I thought if I didn t say it, itwouldn t be true.I drank some more, and hefilled my glass again.Hell, I mightdrink a whole bottle myself. I was a coward, J.D.I didn ttry to save them.I hid, and Iwatched them die.And then I& Icouldn t hold onto the leash.I didn thold tight enough.Trill ran at thegunman, and he shot her.Nickcame out of hiding to save his dog,and he was killed for it.A tear slid down my cheek. It was my fault.If I d onlyheld on, held on tighter&.Wracking sobs shook my body.J.D.came to me and held me closeto his chest. I could have saved him.I canstill feel the leash burning in myhands.If only I d held tighter, Icould have saved Nick.If I d only& ifonly&  You have nothing to blameyourself for.He kissed my forehead andpressed me closer to his chest.Atthe sound of his heartbeat, mytension eased.I hung on to therhythmic cadence.So sure.Sosteady. You saved Stacey, he said. You saved yourself.That wasbrave and good. It wasn t brave or good, Isaid. It was chance.We shouldhave been there with the others. Maybe it was was a miracle,J.D.said. Maybe you have aguardian angel.Maybe there s agod after all and he saved you thatnight.All I know is I m glad you rehere, Nora Deven, and I wish you dstop feeling guilty for being alive inthe world.I believed him.God in heaven,I believed him.Tears streamed down myface, but I felt better than I had inyears.Better than I ever had in mylife.He kissed me ever so gently,but I didn t want gentle.I neededmore.I set the glass aside. I don twant more wine.I want you.Before I finished the sentence,he swept me into his arms and wascarrying me down the hall.I threwmy arms around his neck.I needed him.Not toobliterate my pain or render mysenses inoperable.I needed tomake love to him.To feel alive inmy body while I made his bodycome alive.He put me down on the bedand tore his shirt off over his head,exposing his lean muscular torsoand arms.I ripped my clothes off.Ididn t want a lingering undressingscene.I needed to feel his bare skinon mine.His chest was hairless and hisskin smooth and tanned.He slippedhis jeans down over his hips.Hiscock was a monster, as beautiful asI remembered.We grabbed eachother and clung together, mybreasts pressing against his chest,his hands on my back, our mouthslocked together, tongues seeking,driving.I was hot and swollen andcrazy with need.There would betime, time, and more time forleisurely enjoyment.Right now Ineeded something else.I pushed him onto his backand straddled his hips.I found hiscock with my hand and guided himinside me.Ah! So good.He groaned with pleasure as Icame down on him, working himdeeper, deeper inside me.I archedmy back and rode him, my handson his chest.I teased his nippleswith my fingers and felt him groweven larger inside me until my wallsclenched and spasmed.His fingersfound my clit and rubbed as I rode.I cried out and let the waves oforgasm consume me as he sat upand rolled me over, never leavingmy body.He drove into merelentlessly until I didn't existanymore and he didn t existanymore.We were one mind, oneheart, one soul.And I truly knewwhat it meant to be purged.I was a new person, one wholoved and was loved, and in thearms of my beloved I fell intoblissful sleep.-oOo-I woke up in heaven, a/k/aNora Deven s bed.The birds weresinging, and sunlight filtered inthrough the window.Nora wassnuggled against my chest, and herhair was spread over my arm.Shewas still sleeping.Her breath hit mychest in soft in little puffs.My armwas in agony under her weight, butI was in heaven.She stirred, and I moved outfrom underneath her. Stay here, Isaid. I ll bring us some coffee.I found my boxers and wentout to the kitchen [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]